Becoming a Butterfly

My first 3 blog posts, I got into some pretty “deep” stuff, because I wanted to lay the foundation of what I’ve been through, who I was as a child and how God has helped me through some difficult situations. It’s all part of my testimony, and I shouldn’t be ashamed or afraid to tell it. For many years, I didn’t think I had a testimony because my story of how I accepted Jesus as my Savior was very simple. I was born into a Christian family, so Jesus and the Bible was apart of our conversations and our daily lives. When I was about 5 years old, I was lying in my bed, stretched out my hands upwards and said, “Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.” No spectacular “fireworks” or life transformation, just the faith of a child. During the ’95-97’ move of God, a lot was going on during that season. People slain in the Spirit, holy laughter, people healed, signs and wonders. In addition to our regular local Sunday and Wednesday worship meetings, we traveled to Catskill, NY for special meetings at another fellowship. It was an exciting time, and while I myself didn’t personally experience any of the “signs and wonders” that were going on during that time, I witnessed many other people who did.

About 10 years later, I was water baptized and baptized in the Holy Spirit. It was a chilly day, yet I didn’t get cold despite being all wet while being prayed over. Several prophecies were spoken over me. I did notice a change in my life after that, because I now had the Helper, the Holy Spirit. But I was still very insecure, quiet and burdened by the things of my childhood. What I didn’t realize then was that my testimony isn’t solely about my salvation experience, but continues to be written as we grow in maturity and deeper intimacy with God.

One of the significant relationships in my life started with a typical question I was asked, “What’s going on?” To her surprise and mine too, I responded, “Lots!” We then began talking and we bonded very quickly. It wasn’t long before I began opening up to her, letting her inside that wall I’d built. She saw something in me that others didn’t see, and honestly, I didn’t see it either. But Christ in her began to push me towards who I am meant to be. In 2015, she invited me to travel with her to Maine to visit brethren we know and are apart of the same fellowship. I jumped at the opportunity, even though, it was the first time I’d ever been away from my family for 10 whole days! Right before we were to leave, I got a cold, but I was determined to still go. The 8 hour ride to Maine was incredible – singing worship songs together, sharing our hearts with each other, and a knitting together in the Spirit like I’d never experienced before.

One of the things she encouraged me in, was that everyone has a testimony and it doesn’t have to start with “all the things we used to do in the world”. Those of us who we were “born into the Kingdom of God” tend to think we don’t really have a testimony to share, since we don’t have a “dramatic experience” about how we were saved by Christ. The truth is, we still have a testimony to share, and it’s an ongoing story that is still being written.

I loved visiting our “extended family” in the Body of Christ, because we got to stay in one of their homes and visit other families during the day. It wasn’t about sight-seeing, although we did a little. Primarily it was about fellowshipping, getting to know each other better and of course, enjoying meals together. It also allowed me a chance to open up and share what God had been doing in my life. I somehow felt free and not restrained like I did at home. I later wondered why that was, but couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t until this moment, as I’m typing this, that I realized it’s because I didn’t build a wall. I wasn’t afraid of being hurt since we were just visiting. But when I was around the brethren I saw on a weekly basis, some of whom I’d known my whole life, I was afraid to open up to because I didn’t want to get hurt. It’s crazy how subconsciously I tried to “protect” myself, when in fact, building walls only caused difficulty relating to people.

That trip was definitely life-changing for me, as I began to see myself differently than I had in the past. I wasn’t just my “mother’s daughter”. I was my own unique person whom God had created, and had something valuable to offer and share with others. I didn’t need to hide behind my walls. I had a testimony that was still being written. My sister in Christ saw it too and was very blessed and encouraged me to take this “New Maria” back to Delhi. Well, as it happened, I wasn’t quite ready to spread my wings and fly. I still had things that needed to be healed and ministered to, before I was ready to completely leave behind the “Old Maria” and fully embrace the “New Maria”.

There was a vision and word of encouragement over another Maria we knew, several years before that, and one time as I was listening to it on a recording, it struck a chord within me. The vision was of a caterpillar, and it was very comfortable as a caterpillar. But the Lord was saying it was time to become a chrysalis so that she could become the butterfly He had created her to be. Though her soul didn’t want to become a butterfly, the time for being a caterpillar was done. It’s been said that sometimes a word for someone else can also be an encouragement for others as well. When I was listening to that recording several years after it was given, I believe the Lord said that was for me as well, then added more to it. I saw in my mind’s eye a butterfly who had just hatched from the chrysalis and was clinging to a plant while its wings dried. As the blood flowed to its wings, it began to exercise its wings by slowly flapping them, while still clinging to the plant. Then, a gentle breeze began to blow, which grew stronger and stronger. I heard the words, “The Holy Spirit will teach you how to fly, but you must let go of the plant first.”  I saw the butterfly was still clinging onto the plant, despite the wind growing stronger. Then, it flapped its wings and let go, and it began to fly. The wind picked it up and helped it gain height and carried it away. The last part of the vision was the butterfly had landed on a beautiful flower, where it began to drink the nectar, so it could gain strength to continue flying.

Well, that was pretty cool, as I’d honestly forgotten about that vision, but ] it just came back as I was writing! I tell you, that’s been a very accurate analogy of my life. I was very comfortable just being that “shy, quiet caterpillar”, yet I had to go through life-changing events that would make me become who I am supposed to be. Even after I knew I was no longer who I used to be, I fought it, resisting the change. But we humans can only resist for so long, and God is very persistent! Fear often keeps us clinging to what we know and doesn’t want to face the unknown. Perfect love casts out all fear, and since God is love, when we let go, He carries us through whatever storms of life come our way, by His unfailing love. The Holy Spirit has been and is still teaching me how to fly.  Though I resisted the change for a while, I now understand that becoming a butterfly is worth going through the transformation process.

“Therefore, we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.”

(Romans 6:4 NASB)

“Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: one man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in His death so that everyone could also be included in His life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. Because of this decision, we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at Him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life begins! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with Himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what He is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ Himself now: Become friends with God; He’s already a friend with you.”

(2 Corinthians 5:14-20 The Message version)

Romans 8:28

The greatest disappointments in life can actually be the greatest blessings in disguise. “And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

How many of us actually like tribulations, disappointments & hardships? I dare say, none of us, when we view them from our natural mindset. We are naturally selfish and we want to “get our own way”. When things don’t go the way we want, there are many ways we can respond. Our natural tendency is to be upset, angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, depressed or sometimes we even go into denial to try to pretend it never happened.

About a week after I got my “no” answer (see “Twists and Turns of Life” post), I crashed. Hard. I normally don’t cry easily, but this time, it was a flood. Every emotion inundated my being, thoughts bombarded my mind. How could this affect me this hard, when we hadn’t even “been in a relationship”? How could I have been so wrong about something I was so convinced would happen? Maybe he just wasn’t ready yet? Should I keep the door open or consider it completely closed? Did I just waste two years of my life? How do I move on from here?

It was the “wilderness” portion of my life. I questioned things I’d never questioned before. I was tempted like I was never tempted before and even gave into a few temptations. I went from talking, writing and openly communicating with God on a daily basis, to only when I was so desperate that I knew He was the only one who could get me out of the pit of darkness. I became depressed and not just the “I’m sad” phase. Some days I didn’t want to get out of bed. Other times I turned to my iPhone to “escape from it all”, spending hours on social media and watching movies or tv shows. I turned to “junk food” in the natural and spiritual, and I felt the effects. Oh, I’d have good days, too. And I was very good at hiding behind a smile and saying “I’m good.” I only let a few select people know what was really going on. I pretty much cut off all communication with the individual who I thought I was going to marry, except for when I absolutely had to. Yet, I hated that I couldn’t talk to him, because he was one of my closest friends. But it was just too painful. This continued off / on for 8 months before I really started to turn a corner. I realized that I had to consider that door completely closed because otherwise, I’d just keep hanging onto that thread of hope that “someday it might work out”. And I also saw that I had so desperately wanted to be married and “escape” from my current life, that I had let that cloud my vision. If I’m not content in my current situation, what makes me think that marriage will “solve” that since there’s guaranteed to be hardships and challenges there as well! 

God is ever so patient with us, and while it breaks His heart when we don’t seek him earnestly, He lovingly, patiently keeps knocking on our door until we answer. He always has a purpose and plan, even when we can’t imagine how something good could come out of a situation. For me, I had to get to the place where I was willing for Him to touch areas of my life that I had hidden away since I was a young child. Hurts I didn’t even know I had, that He wanted to heal; rejection that had affected my relationship with men in general. I saw patterns and tendencies that I had never seen before. Before I could “move on”, I had to first face these hurts, fears, rejections head-on, and allow God to heal my heart and teach me His perspective in those areas.

One of those things was something that happened even before I was born. The story was told innocently many times over the years. When Mom was pregnant with me, my brother Joel said, “If it’s a girl, I want to send her back.” It’s natural for boys to want a brother, not a sister. But, as the story goes, “When you were born, he decided he didn’t want to send you back and would keep you.” There’s even photos of him holding me with a great big smile on his face to prove it. That story “never bothered me”, or so I thought. But when God starting doing the “deep digging” in my life, he unearthed the subconscious rejection that I had perceived this as. Even though he did accept me, he still really wanted a brother. I then began to realize why I never had gotten really close to my brother. Instead, I was constantly trying to prove to him that I was “just as good as a brother”. It didn’t help that we were 7 years apart, so while we all lived together as a family, my brother and I didn’t “grow up together” the same way siblings that are only 2-3 years apart do. He was always very outgoing, loud, often taking the majority of the attention of our parents. I would observe him, take note of what not to do, primarily keep to myself and rarely could “get a word in edgewise”. Despite all this, we rarely fought with each other, mainly because I didn’t like confrontations and avoided them whenever possible. I preferred to be the “peacekeeper” of the family.

When God the Father lovingly revealed these things buried deep inside me, I was actually quite surprised. But things then began to make sense, and I was able to see the reality vs the perceived rejection. Joel had accepted me and while no brother and sister have a perfect relationship, we worked well together, he had taught me many valuable things, and we both desired to follow God’s will for our lives. He had proven many, many times that he would protect me, willing to lay down his own desires to help me, and made sacrifices for me. Now, it was my turn to accept him for who he is and be there for him when he needs it. I was blinded by the past and also the present imperfections (which we all have) and unable to see the man of God that he is, in addition to all the natural talents and abilities he has. 

Another major “childhood trauma” occurred when I was only 8 years old. I won’t go into too many details, but I was faced with a decision whether to go with my Dad or stay with my Mom and brother. I loved Dad very, very much. He was the first love of my life. I didn’t know whether this decision was a temporary or permanent one, but he was going away. We didn’t know if he’d even return. My heart was literally torn in half. If I could have divided myself in half and been in two places at once, I would have. Yet,I decided to stay with Mom and my brother. Even after Dad returned to our family, the weeks and months and yes, years, that followed were very difficult on all of us. My trust in him was broken and while I still loved him a lot, I didn’t want to allow myself to get hurt again. So, subconsciously, I began to build walls around myself, so that I would never get “that close” to anyone again. Because it was too painful to lose someone I loved that much. I lived in fear that our parents would divorce and we’d end up being split up permanently. But did I verbalize these things? Oh no, because I had to be strong and try to “keep the peace” in the family. As my brother got older, he and Mom would “lock horns” and I just wanted to “escape from it all”. I just wanted to have a “somewhat normal family” (which I now know, there isn’t such a thing)! So, in my mind, the way out of all this was very simple: graduate and get married asap, so I could have a fresh start and at least have a chance for a “normal life”. LOL Wow, was I ever naïve!

I didn’t have many “close friends” growing up, because I didn’t let them in. I considered myself a loner, an outsider. I longed for a close relationship with someone but didn’t want to get hurt again. I was quiet and kept a lot of things bottled up inside. Many people didn’t know who I really was and even though I wanted to get to know them better, I was trapped inside my own walls I’d built. I mostly related to adults that my parents spent time with and rarely ever spent any time with other children around my age. Even when I attempted to “reach out” to them, I felt like I was invisible. Other times, when I tried to engage in an on-going conversation, they’d be talking about things I had no clue about. I felt the most comfortable around other women and the few men I did talk with frequently, were closer to my parent’s age. Despite my great desire to be married, I was actually kind of scared to talk to single young men. As I got older and after working at the Humane Society for several years, I gradually became more comfortable to talk with a wider range of people, though it was just casual chit-chat. It was a struggle for me, as I became an adult, yet I didn’t know how to overcome “this wall I kept on hitting” whenever I tried to talk to people. One of the exceptions was the young man who I considered a brother, and when I began to open myself up to the idea of him being something more than a brother, I allowed him on the inside of that wall. I had allowed myself to “be vulnerable” and once again, experienced that broken heart all over again, taking me back to when I was 8 years old.
Now, in hindsight, if I hadn’t gotten that “no”, I probably would have continued living inside that brick wall and healing wouldn’t have come. “No pain, no gain” definitely applies in this situation. But God knew that I was ready to face it and by His Grace, I allowed Him to begin breaking down that wall, brick by brick. So that He could instead build what He desired in me, a true reflection of Him. 

 I believe one of the greatest blessings is when God can take those things in our lives that were the most painful and turn them into a way to minister to others who have gone through similar situations. It’s a blessing and encouragement to others that’s there’s hope and “you can get through this – with God’s help”! Although we often keep “going around the mountain” like the children of Israel in the wilderness, eventually we learn to trust God at His Word and not trust our own understanding and reasoning. Oh, it’s an on-going journey and just because I’m writing this, doesn’t mean ‘I’ve arrived’! Far from it! I’m still walking by faith and I don’t know how my story “ends”, but I know the One who has “plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness” will complete the work that He began.

I will say this, the more we let go of our control and let “God take the steering wheel”, it can actually become an adventure! I’m not saying it necessarily gets “easier”, but when our mindset starts to function more in the Spiritual realm vs the natural mindset, it’s almost like watching a new movie. The script is written, everything is set in motion, and we can just “enjoy the show”. And unlike Hallmark Christmas movies, we really don’t know what’s going to happen! LOL Yet, God is much better than any movie producer, because He has had an eternal purpose and plan from before the foundation of the world, that we get to be apart of. You know how the best actors go beyond knowing the script and actually “become” the person they are portraying? In the same way, our purpose in this life isn’t just to know about Jesus but to become His representatives on the earth. In order for that to happen, we must lay aside our old identity and take on the identity of Christ. 

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren." (Romans 8:28-29)

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Twists and Turns of Life

Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns. My life’s plan was simple: graduate high school, get married and be a stay-at-home mom. What to do between school and marriage, I didn’t really plan out, because according to me, it’d likely only be a few years. So, I decided to just take life as it came, with my eye always on the “prize”. 

But, my first curveball was thrown at me around the time I graduated. Dad and I had a conversation about me finding a part-time job. I didn’t like hearing that one bit and tried to find a way out of it. The only “upside” I could see was that perhaps God has someone I was supposed to meet and share Christ with. Yeah, it’d be nice to have “extra” money, but I wasn’t enough of a motivation to make me want to get a job. But since I knew I wanted to honor your father and your mother, I reluctantly started working one day a week at the Humane Society. It was convenient since it was within walking distance of home. The work wasn’t that hard and I did love animals. I primarily took care of the cats, which is kind of ironic since I’m more of a dog lover than a cat lover. But I knew it was still my responsibility to do the best job I could, even if it was a temporary season of my life. 

    My days at home were filled with taking care of my 5 chickens, which I had received as a graduation present, and the vegetable and flower gardens. I did help Mom with some cooking and cleaning, but my love was the outdoors. I was drawn to the “backyard farming” movement and “continued my education” through reading books, magazines, and the internet about chickens, farming, gardening, etc. My plan / dream for my life then began to incorporate farming and homesteading. My brother and I built chicken coops, as my flock increased, and I experimented with different methods of gardening. In some ways, it was a way of “escape”, to keep my body and mind occupied while I waited for marriage. 

As time ticked on and the “married by 23 yr old” goal started drawing near, I decided to further prepare for marriage by using the money I’d earned to start buying things for my future household. It was just around the corner, so I thought, and things will only get more expensive. The hand of the Lord was upon this endeavor, as I found many things on sale or at second-hand stores for way less than retail. As I reached the end of my list and my “hope chest” expanded to become a whole section of my room, I thought, surely now, I’ve proven myself ready for the next chapter. With each new month, I’d think, Maybe it’ll be this month that I’ll find my future husband. It didn’t help that there was a sudden surge in betrothals and marriages, many of whom were younger than I was! Surely, I must be next! Despite my best efforts to leave the choice completely in God’s hands, I did sometimes wonder or pray about the various young men I knew. One by one, they ended up getting married. Before I knew it, I was at my self-imposed “goal mark” of 23 yrs old. I began to doubt that I’d actually get married before I turned 24, but still had hope and expectations. When my 24^th birthday rolled around and still “nothing on the horizon”, I realized that it was probably unrealistic anyways to set a time frame, yet in the back of mind, figured it could still be just around the corner. 

So, that’s how I lived my life, part of me was always waiting for God to reveal who my husband was to be and at the same time, trying to enjoy my present life. Let me tell you, it’s very hard to live in the present when you’re constantly looking to the future. As much as I tried to be patient, it was very difficult at times (and sometimes still is)! For many single women in my situation, they would have said, “Forget this waiting for God business and I’m just going to find my husband on my own. I mean, that’s what most people do, right? “ Oh, I had those thoughts, but I also saw all the successful marriages of couples who had waited on God. When I was tempted to “do it my way”, God would remind me that He knows best. But, the greatest lesson I've learned thus far, was one that was very difficult, yet worth it. 

            Around the time I turned 26, I had “a lightbulb moment” about someone I’d known for my whole life, yet hadn’t really considered before. For the next two years, I prayed, talked with God and my parents A LOT, to see if there was confirmation if this individual was to be my husband. I didn't go a day without thinking or praying about this person. It basically consumed me and became the primary focus of my relationship with God. By the end of the two years, I was pretty much convinced he was the one. I’d considered him as a younger brother for many years, yet during the “praying stage”, my relationship with him didn’t change. I wanted to make sure this was God's will for us before I said or did anything. But emotionally, I had begun to have feelings for him, even though at this point I don't think he had a clue. Around my 28th birthday, I had gotten to the point where I had to know for sure. I couldn’t wait any longer. One part of me was afraid my emotions and “what I had been waiting my whole life for” would cloud my decision-making process. The other part of me was fully convinced that I would get a “yes”.  I had doubts and wondered if I had just imagined everything. Could I really be this close to getting married? Is this really happening? What if it’s a no? But, if it’s a yes, that will change everything too! I was like a yo-yo on this inside. But, I had to know, so I could move forward with my life, one way or another. I asked my parents to help me. The fateful question was asked. Time was needed to pray and think about it. An agonizing two months passed. I didn’t want to rush the process or put any pressure, so just let it be. Finally, the day came when I was given the answer.

“No, not at this time.”  

Only five words, but they were life-changing. I think I went to shock for about a week, since I thought was “ok”, at first. Then, it all came crashing down around me, like a ton of bricks.

Had I heard wrong? I thought it was a 90% chance of a yes. Does the ‘not at this time’ mean that he’s just not ready right now, but maybe in the future? What do I do now? How do I relate to him now? I can’t just ‘undo’ the last two years of my life? What do I do with these emotions? How do I pick up the pieces and move on from here?

I talked with God, my parents and others who I was able to share these things with. I knew I had to move on, but how? I was heartbroken like I had never experienced before. Yet, in the midst of it all, God had a perfect plan and as He told me, “I didn’t allow this to cause you to hurt or do harm, but rather to heal you, even those things that happened as a child that you’ve carried all these years.” 

And thus began a journey that while it was very difficult at first, now, I wouldn't trade it for a "yes", if I could. I’m thankful for that “no” because it has made me become who I am truly supposed to be. Sometimes, the most devastating things in life are actually the most beneficial things in life, that propel us forward and get us out of “the rut” we’ve been in. 

Yes, I'll continue the rest of the story next time! 

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I always considered myself an observer and as I child, I was definitely a girl of few words, except for at home. I kept a lot of things to myself, never verbalizing them. My view of myself was that I was a shy, quiet girl, often “hiding” in the shadow of my mother. It hasn’t been until more recently that I’ve “come out of my shell” and am truly becoming what God wants me to be. So, I want to tell you that story - who I was and how I came to be who I am. 

In school, I loved creative writing and other the years, it’s been a way to clear my head, have a creative outlet, and often express myself in a way that I often have a hard time doing when I’m speaking. I’ve journaled off/off over the years, attempted to write a blog about my farm, but regardless of the reason, writing has always been, something I enjoy and find “therapeutic”. So, I thought, why not share some of these things with others? Perhaps it’ll help someone who’s gone or is going through a similar situation. I hope it’ll be an encouragement to others, and if nothing else, I simply just enjoy writing.

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As children, we’re often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Often, it’s about a “job” or career. Some children know from an early age what they want to do and work very hard to achieve their goals. Others don’t know even after they graduate high school. But I’d estimate that the majority have a childhood dream, but end up doing something totally different by the time they’re an adult. I think we can all agree that we don’t really know what’s going to happen in the future, despite our best-made plans.

For me, I knew what I wanted to be from a very young age: a stay-at-home wife and mother. Having grown up in a Bible-believing family, I was very familiar with the Proverbs 31 woman and also Titus 2:4-5: “ encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” Therefore, in my mind, the ultimate goal for me was to be married, take care of my future husband, children, and household. My mom loved being at home with my brother and I. She’s one of the rare ones who actually enjoyed cooking and cleaning. Although I can’t say that I inherited the same enthusiasm for “household chores”, I grew up knowing that was an important skill set that would serve me and my future family for the rest of my life. Being homeschooled meant, we spent a lot of time with Mom, not just learning from books, but hands-on, practical every day living things. Gardening, crafts, hiking, camping, campfires – all wonderful things we enjoyed doing as a family. From a very young age, I remember thinking and looking forward to the day when I would be the parent.

Just like any family, there were “dynamics” and difficult times we worked through, but because of our faith in God, we didn’t give up on each other. Even during my teenage years, I didn’t experience the “typical teenage rebellion” and hatred towards my parents. Believe me, I had plenty of opportunities and like every child, “good reason” to find fault in my parents. Oh, yes, I had my moments, of course, but I also saw the hard work and effort they put into their marriage and family. Despite everything in my life and the world that would have tried to persuade me otherwise, I’ve always kept that childhood dream of being a stay-at-home wife and mother. I specifically remember being around 17 to 18 years old and my goal after graduation was to do more cooking, cleaning, etc in preparation for my inevitable marriage. I wasn’t planning on even getting a job, because I honestly expected I’d be married by the time I was 23, if not sooner.

Ironically, despite marriage being my “life goal”, so to speak, I wasn’t dating anyone, nor did I plan to. It’s a radical concept in today’s world, where marriage is often considered “optional” and people dating and living together is considered “normal”.  Believe me, I’m not judging or condemning anyone because of their lifestyle choices, just stating what my convictions are. My “moral compass” is founded on the whole Bible, and that is, God was the one who instituted the marriage covenant between a man and a woman. Therefore, I believe God is the only true “matchmaker”. We, humans, tend to be attracted to outward appearance and various other characteristics based on our natural senses. Yet, we humans are very good at disguising our true selves. A prime example is a couple who are “perfect for each other”, end up getting married, only to find out the real person is totally different than the persona they “fell in love with”. That can go either way, but sometimes that’s what ends a marriage because while they were dating, they only let the other person see “part of themselves”. But, once they get married, they let their facade down, and surprise, it’s almost like you married a stranger! Now, I know there’s always going to be that element in any human relationship. What I’m simply saying is that God created each one of us and knows everything about us, past, present and future. Therefore, He’s the only one who truly knows each one of us and is thus, way better at choosing the person we’re meant to spend that rest of your life with. Granted, it takes a lot of prayers, faith, trusting in His faithfulness, and patience.

 Now, you might be thinking, “That’s a great theory, but it hasn’t worked for you yet.” Believe me, I’ve had plenty of thoughts to make me doubt God. I’ve tried to “help God out”, but that didn’t work either. The issue is, we humans tend to compare ourselves with other, reason things out, ask questions, figure things out. Especially when it doesn’t happen within our time frame. The bottom line, we like to be in control and we want what we want NOW! But God isn’t Santa Claus, there to give us whatever we want, when we want it. Neither is it based on what we do or don’t do. You see, “God chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. … In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will.”  (Ephesians 1:4,6-6 NASB)

He also says, “I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 29:11-14 NASB)   

But “His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.” And “one day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as one day in His sight.” “man plans but the Lord directs his steps.”

It all boils down to, the future life we dreamed of as a child is not usually going to be what actually happens, and often our timetable is not the same as God’s. We have to come to a place where we are willing to let go of our own ideas of what our life should look like and instead flow with what God has planned. Let me tell you, that is a very difficult thing to do, but absolutely necessary, if we are to reach the full potential we were created for. It’s actually a good thing to “let go and let God”, because at least from my limited experience thus far, it opens us a world of adventures in Him that we might not have otherwise experienced. If we keep waiting for “our life that we imagined” to happen, it can actually restrain us and prevent us from living the abundant life that we were freely given to enjoy.

Until next time, “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.”  (Eph 4:23 NASB)